It's Always Been You
by im-not-the-sun
Summary: AU of the drowning incident. All of the people in the hospital are focused on Meredith. On her friends making a scene outside the hall. And Derek. All feeling helpless at the situation. They are all focused on those people and on the situation that they haven't noticed the other person sitting in the hallway outside the ER.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is my first story so please bear with me. I'm sorry for the first time I uploaded this chapter because it was messed up.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy**

 **ONE**

Chaos. Yeah, that's what's currently happening in the ER with all the doctors shouting orders. All of them moving around, doing everything they know just to save the girl lying on the table.

Because she is not just a girl, she's Meredith.

"We need to raise her temp. That's all we have to worry as of right now." The Chief said, trying to order those words calmly as much as he can, even though the panic and desperation in his voice is not that hard to notice.

Her friends outside the hall are no difference. They kept pushing, wanting to know what is happening to the girl lying on the table. Not really believing that this is currently happening.

"Are you sure it's her?" Christina whispered. Addison nodded weakly.

"No. NO. I need to see. I need—it can't be her. She was just here moments ago. I have something to tell her and she got called to that stupid accident. I was so mad at her because she won't just listen to me and now this. I—I ca—" She wasn't able to hold herself anymore. Her legs gave out and she was now on her knees. She was definitely feeling helpless at the moment that she can't help to stop the tears that were threatening to spill ever since she heard about the accident.

Burke was instantly on her side. "Christina…"

"Hey. Look at me. Christina…" she knew he is not going to stop until she looked at him, so she did.

Okay, listen to me. I am going in there and make sure that your person is alright. Do you hear me? Inside that ER are two brilliant doctors and they are doing everything they can to save her. Okay?" Christina just nodded, trying to stop herself from crying because she's Christina, she doesn't breakdown.

Burke went in the door down the hall through the ER with Addison and saw Derek's devastated face. Burke nodded when he met Derek eyes, just a sign of comfort, before going inside the ER.

"What are her stats?" Then a nurse went to his side and updated him about Meredith's condition.

* * *

Unlike Burke, Addison did not go inside the ER, instead, she walked towards Derek and sat beside him. She rested her head on his shoulder and whispered, "It's going to be alright. She's going to be alright."

Derek just stayed silent. Helplessly staring at the door of the ER right in front of him, begging to hear anything, anything that can replace that monotonous beep of the heart monitor that's been haunting him ever since he got out of the ER.

She was so blue, so cold. He can't help but cling to the last piece of hope he had inside of him for Meredith to be okay.

 _She's going to be alright._

* * *

All of the people in the hospital are focused on Meredith. On her friends making a scene outside the hall. And Derek. All feeling helpless at the situation.

They are all focused on those people and on the situation that they haven't noticed the other person sitting in the hallway outside the ER.

Looking at him, you will think that he was just there to comfort his friend. Well he was. But also, he was there because he also needed someone, just an anchor, for him not to breakdown because the woman that has been part of his life since he came here in Seattle Grace is on the table, barely fighting for her life.

When he first saw her, all blue, being wheeled towards the ER, he couldn't move. This is Meredith Grey, the other Dirty Mistress. The only one, along with his $400 shrink, who understands him.

They're supposed to be moving on together. He can't do this without her. He just… _he can't live without her._ And there it is. The thing he's been denying ever since the day he asked her to start over. That he loves her. They may doubt his feelings for her and say that it's only been three months since he's been in this hospital, that he can't fall in love that fast, but he is.

He didn't acknowledge the building feelings within in because that's just insane. He can't fall in love with Derek's girl again, not again. But when Derek decided he needed space to think, he got the chance to spend the whole day with Meredith, and this made his feelings more final. He was infuriated with Derek that day 'cause, how can he leave Meredith like that, the one who still gave him a number of chances even though he hurt her over and over again.

 _"Start over, Meredith. Start fresh." He leaned further the table, making their face merely inches away from each other._

 _Meredith can't take away his eyes away from his because she's entranced by what she is seeing in there. The sincerity, the desperation. Hope. She almost said yes. But then came the sound of his beeper._

 _"Saved by the bell." He gave her his McSteamy smile, a façade he used to hide his true emotions which is not really working when it comes to Meredith, because she's just like him._

 _This gave Meredith time to think, but not enough time because McDreamy just came asking her the same thing that Mark offered her. But she chose Derek. Because Derek always gets the girl._

That's just the fate of Mark Sloan, just when he was ready to acknowledge his feelings for her, she is currently flatlining, for almost 20 minutes now, on the table inside the ER. He rested his head in his hands, already losing hope.

But then, Christina came rushing towards the ER making the three snap their heads. Addison quickly stood up, following Christina inside. Then they heard it. The steady beat on the monitor. The two men outside heard it as Addison made her way in, making them shot up on their feet and to the ER.

All of the people inside the ER released a relieved sigh.

 _She's back._


	2. Chapter 2

**TWO**

"She was flatlining for a long time and we don't know how long she was under the water. There is a high chance that she has brain damage."

Richard was the first one to break the silence after Meredith came back to life. The silence was first filled with silent cries, long relieved sighs, and smiles.

But with what Richard said, it's time to face reality because the Meredith's heart stopped beating for a long period of time resulting to numbers of possible complications.

"All we can do know is wait for her to wake for the next 24 hours." Miranda sighed knowing it's not over yet. "If she wakes up." Christina muttered, mostly speaking to herself, but was still heard by everyone in the room. She still didn't leave Meredith out of her sight, watching her chest moving up and down, slightly making her feel better because right now, all that matters to her is that her person is alive.

* * *

Mark was frozen at the door, but unlike Christina, he is looking at Meredith's face, comparing how blue she was when she first entered this same room.

Saying he's relieved is an understatement. All he wanted to do right now is to rush to Meredith's side, hold her hand and never let go. But of course he can't, _because Derek is already doing that_. He knows he should be sad at that thought, but right now, all that matters is Meredith, and her now beating heart.

* * *

Everyone's attention was focused on Meredith. Addison was the first to break her gaze to the girl on the table knowing that there are other people who are out there that needs to know the current situation.

When she turned around to walk towards the door, she saw Mark. She was surprised on what she saw when she saw him. It's almost the perfect reflection of the look on her ex-husband's face, except there's this loneliness mixed in all the emotions swimming in his eyes.

She realized that Mark seems to be in a trance, frozen. He's just standing there staring at the woman on the table, not really paying attention to anyone but her.

Addie noticed his eyes shift from Meredith's face to her hand. The hand held by the man Meredith loves. As she realized this, her eyes snapped back to Mark's. She can't help but pity the man in front of her, because she can't help but see herself in him. This was her before. This was her before she realized how her marriage with Derek was over before they even tried. That she was no match for Meredith Grey.

She shook her head. It's not the time to think about the past. All that matters now is the man in front of her, because she knows. She knows what it feels like to be on his shoes.

She walked to him and touched his arm in a comforting way. Mark was startled at first, but when he realized who it was, he relaxed. But Addison can still see how tense Mark is.

"Mark, why don't you come with me and update the rest of her family?" Addison didn't wait for any response because she knows she won't get any, so she just pulled Mark with her, relieving him from the scene inside the ER. Mark's eyes were never leaving Meredith. The whole time he was being dragged by Addison, his gaze never wavered. He couldn't. It wasn't until the door of the ER that Mark lost his sight of her.

It was then when he broke.

It all comes crashing down.

She almost died. She almost lost her. _She almost left him_. His knees gave out.

Addie was instantly by his side. She doesn't know what to do because this is the first time that she saw Mark like this. Then she thought of the time when she left him. Was he also like this? Did he felt like this when she left him? When she told him that she killed their chi-? Addie shook her head. She doesn't want to go there.

Mark cried uncontrollably. He hasn't cried like this ever since he became 9 years old. He didn't even cry when Addie left him. Maybe he let out a few tears, but not really cried. Now, he feels every pain and hurt that he tried to block inside his head. He can't control it.

 _How his mother's hand went limp._

 _Every lash from his father._

 _The day he lost his best friend._

 _The day he lost his Addie._

 _And the day he found out that she killed their baby. His baby._

 _The day she chose him._

He just let it all out. Every pain, every disappointment, everything. He was glad Addison was there, even though she was one of the people that brought him pain. She was anchoring him, at this moment.

Addison cradled Mark's head in her shoulder.

"She's alright. She's okay." She kept repeating this over and over until Mark calmed down. Addie thought Mark was peeling himself of her, but then he suddenly rested his head on her shoulder, burying it there almost painfully.

"I almost lost her, Addie." It was a whisper, but Addie can feel every emotion that Mark was currently feeling at that moment.

Worry. Desperation. Anger. Relief. And Love.

Mark Sloan loves Meredith. It's clear to her know. She noticed the way Mark looks at Meredith before but didn't bring much attention to it at that time, she thought that maybe, it was just a simple attraction, because it's Mark. He has a reputation. But seeing him now, there in front of her, clinging to her like his life depended on it, feeling helpless. Mark Sloan is deeply in love with Meredith Grey.

She just held him there, not really knowing what else to do.

They stayed like that for almost 20 minutes until Mark decided to peel himself completely from Addison and stood up, putting on his McSteamy mask, although not really doing a good job at it because she can still see the pain through his eyes.

"Want to come with me and inform the rest of her family about the good news?" She emphasized the 'good news' to let Mark remember that Meredith is alive.

Mark just smiled. A genuine one, expressing his gratitude to Addison. Addison smiled back, knowing the meaning behind Mark's smile, before walking towards the group of interns sitting on the hall outside the ER.

Izzie is resting her head on George's shoulder while George is leaning his on the wall. Alex is the only one standing, walking back and forth, the anxiety clear on his face. He is the first to notice the two attendings walking towards them.

"How's Meredith?" He immediately asked, while both George and Izzie stood up, also wanting to know. When Addison smiled, it was like a weight was lifted from their shoulders knowing that Meredith was alive before Addison got the chance to even say it.

"She's now stable, but still unconscious. There is a huge possibility for brain damage because she's been down for a long time, but as of right now, she's okay."

Izzie just hugged George, while Alex just let out a long relieved sigh.

"Can we see her?" He said. "Of course."

Although her plan was to lead the rest of the interns to the ER, it all went down when the three interns ran past her as fast as they can towards the room Meredith was in.

She then looked at Mark then walked towards where the three were heading. As she went inside the room, she noticed that the presence behind her was missing. As she went outside the door, she found Mark sitting on the floor, head on his hands. She knelt in front of him and touched him on the shoulder.

"I can't. I- I can't." Addie can feel him trembling beneath her fingers.

"Mark."

"I can't, Addie."

"Mark, she's awake."


	3. Chapter 3

**THREE**

 _She's awake._

It's amazing how two words can produce such emotions in a person. Addie watched the number of emotions pass through Mark's face the moment she said the news.

Shock. Disbelief. Happiness. Relief.

Addie smiled by the displayed emotions on Mark's face, but was disappointed when he did nothing. She expected him to rush through the doors to witness the news she just shared with him, to know that it is real. But he didn't. He just stood there. His previous emotions replaced by longing, sadness. He just looked through the small window by the door.

Then it clicked. He can't. He can't just barge in there and suddenly act so concerned about Meredith, _because Addison is the only one who knows_. She is the only one who knows what Mark really feels for the woman inside the ER.

And then there's Derek. Addie sighed because Derek is a big wall that Mark needs to break before he got to Meredith. But she knows Mark. She knows how he loves Derek and he would do anything not to hurt him. _Again_.

She couldn't do anything right now but to be there for Mark, so she just placed her hand on his shoulder and watched through the small window the happiness and relief of the people inside the ER.

* * *

The first thing that Meredith felt was pain. So much pain. She let out a quiet groan, but couldn't say anything else. Then she heard a voice.

 _"Meredith. Meredith, can you hear me?"_

Christina. She thought she wouldn't be able to hear her voice again. She was so caught up with the idea of giving up that she never even considered the ones she will be leaving behind if she did leave.

 _"Meredith. Please say something. Anything. Just please."_

She heard it. The desperation in her voice. She mustered every strength in her body to be able to talk. The only word she could mutter was, "Ouch."

Christina released a relieved sob as she heard Meredith. Then she watched Meredith as she tried to open her eyes. Christina smiled for the first time that day. Her person's alive.

"Burke proposed. I know this is not the right time to say this but I want you to be the first person to know. You're the only person I wanted to tell."

And with that Meredith smiled.

* * *

Christina did not noticed the people inside the ER go outside the room. She was so focused on having, finally, the chance to talk to her person.

Derek is currently waiting outside with the rest of the interns. Bailey wanted to give Christina the time to talk to her person. She knows the bond between the two and she understands how important it is to give them just a moment alone.

Bailey looked at Derek who is currently leaning against the wall opposite the ER, eyes burning holes through the door of the ER. She walked towards him.

"You okay?"

Derek did not respond for a moment. But then, he looked Bailey and said, "She knows how to swim."

Bailey knows the gravity of the statement that Derek just said. She doesn't want to make any conclusions at the moment. She wants to give Meredith the benefit of the doubt before they accuse her of something that she may or may not have done.

Wanting to clear her mind about Derek's statement, she looked at the other people, Meredith's family, outside the ER. What she didn't expect to see is Mark. Or, to be exact, Mark's current state at that moment.

She knows that there had been a couple of interactions between Meredith and Mark in the hospital but she never thought they have been close. What confused her the most is the sadness that is dominating the mixed emotions playing in Mark's face, adding to the fact that Addison is comforting him.

Her thoughts were cut off by George who is desperate to go inside, like Alex and Izzie.

"Dr. Bailey, can we?" The question was left hanging for she already know what the interns wanted, so she nodded her head.

She'd never seen them move as fast as how they rushed to the doors of the ER. Not even when being paged for a big trauma. She let out a smile. The bond between the five of her interns are just amazing to watch.

* * *

Derek is waiting for his turn to talk to Meredith. But he is also dreading for that moment. He doesn't want to confront her right now, because it hurts. He can't look at her without picturing her lifeless in his arms. And the thought that maybe she gave up. Because she knows how to swim, how could she drown if she knows how to swim?

He knows that there are other possibilities on why she drowned but he can't help but think about the incident they had that morning. If he hadn't pulled her out of the tub—he doesn't want to think about it.

So he just stood there. Leaning against the wall opposite the ER. Waiting.

* * *

By the time the interns got out of the ER, Derek was nowhere in sight.

"Where's Dr. Shepherd?" Christina asked, a little bit confused by the fact that Derek is not outside, impatiently waiting for his turn to speak with Derek.

"He said he needed some air. He'll be back in a minute." Bailey answered, knowing Derek wouldn't be there anytime sooner.

They waited for a few minutes and still, no Derek in sight. Bailey sighed and decided to move Meredith in a regular room. But before she made the order to the nurses, Mark came up to her.

"Can I… can I see her?" Bailey did not expect that. She may have suspected something was going on between her intern and Mark, but looking at Mark's face right now, that is not just something. One can immediately identify what Mark is feeling for the girl lying on the bed inside the ER. Who would have known, that Mark Sloan, the Manwhore, fell in love. And with Meredith. She mentally chuckled.

"Of course, Dr. Sloan."

Mark gave her a smile that did not quite reach his eyes, and then headed towards the ER.


	4. Chapter 4

**FOUR**

Mark stopped by the door of the ER, hand reaching to the handle. But he couldn't do it. He scared, that's for sure. He doesn't even know if Meredith wants him to be in there with her especially when he knows that she is waiting for Derek.

He knows that she won't be happy to see him, but he needs to. Even if it will be heartbreaking to see how her face falls the moment her eyes lands on him. But he needs to. So he willed himself to open the door.

He breathed deeply then turned the doorknob.

He was greeted by the sight of Meredith Grey, sitting up the bed and looking straight to the wall. But when she heard the door open, she was snapped out of her trance and looked at the door to see of Derek had come to see him. Her face falls.

Mark noticed the change in Meredith face. He chuckled darkly as he closed the door behind him. He knew this would happen, he was actually expecting this. But it doesn't stop the pain that rushes through his chest when he actually witnessed. In fact, the blow seems to be much harder than he thought.

"What the hell are you laughing about?"

Her voice broke his thought. He looked at her. The feeling of relief seems rush through him at that moment because here she was, being snarky as always. Then he smiled, for real this time.

Meredith saw the change of emotions in Mark's face. What was most evident was relief and something that she can't quite name.

"How's my favorite dirty mistress?" he said as he walked towards the chair next to her bed.

"I'm fine." She said. Well she really was. She hadn't felt this free in a long time. "I am fine." She repeated, but this time, with a smile made her look younger, carefree, the complete opposite of "dark and twisty."

Mark have been watching her while she tries to answer his question. How she repeated the same lines, but differently. And how she smiled. This will be his favorite smile of her. She looks so carefree and innocent at the moment, like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders. Like she is finally free. He couldn't help but smile, too.

"That's good to hear." He said while reaching for her hand. Meredith was a little bit shocked to the softness in Mark's voice, and the smile on his face. It's not the McSteamy smile that he uses on daily basis. It's a real smile. She can't help but feel something inside her stir. She couldn't look away from him. There's a lightness in his face that gives her the comfort that she needed at that moment. The comfort that she was expecting that Derek could give her.

They stayed like that for a moment, staring at each other, while holding each other's hands.

* * *

Unaware of their surroundings, the two didn't notice one person outside the ER, looking through the window.

Derek watched as the Meredith and Mark talked. He never saw Meredith smile like that. It's different from all the smiles that she gave him. All her smiles before hides something, even if it was her "most genuine" smile, she doesn't look truly happy. But now, it seems like all the walls that she built all those years were broken down.

He knows he should be happy but the fact that Mark is the one that is receiving that smile, it bugs him. Because why? He should be the one making her smile like that, making her feel at ease, finally, after all those years.

It hurts, but he can't look away. As much as the scene before him hurts him, he just can't help but be mesmerized by _her_ , and how carefree and young she looks right now.

He almost forgot the _incident_. But nothing can ever make him forget about that. It is still painted in his mind, how blue she was, how cold her skin was, and the fact that she was not even breathing. That thought made him break his gaze on Meredith. He shuts his eyes because the image formed in his head hurts even more. She almost lost her. Did she thought about him before deciding about ending her life? He was trying his best for her to open up to him, to make her feel that he was there to listen. But nothing. She always chose to run away, to hide, to deal with it _alone_. Because that's what she does best.

He let out a heavy sigh. He desperately wants to run away right now, but he can't. Today, he just realized how important she was to him. He realized how deep his affections towards her run, and he can't just let that go.

Derek turned his gaze back to the two people inside the room. _He won't let her go, and he won't let anyone get in his way_. Especially _Mark_.

* * *

Addie's gaze followed Mark until he was out of her sight. She went to the window of the door to see the interaction between the two people inside the room.

She didn't notice Derek coming towards her, planning to do the same. He stopped right beside her and watched. Then there it was. The smile. She never saw Meredith smile like that, even with Derek. Well she hasn't been here when they first met so she doesn't really know anything, and she was also a factor that made Derek and Meredith's relationship rocky in the first place. But this smile's different.

She then looked at Mark. He said something then made a move to hold her hand and copied Meredith. Addie cannot unsee the connection between the two. There's a spark between them. She doesn't know if they can see it but looking at them right now staring into each other's eyes, there is definitely something between them.

Then she remembered that Derek was there, also watching the two people inside the ER. She looked at him and saw hurt, but also, she saw determination.

She knew that he saw it too, and with the way he is looking at the both of the people inside the room, she knows he will not give up without a fight.

And she knew she was right when Derek reached for the doorknob.


	5. Chapter 5

**FIVE**

With the sound of the door opening, the spell between the two was broken. As soon as Meredith laid her eyes on the person who entered the door, she let go of Mark's hand.

His gaze went to her hand. Mark shouldn't have been surprised by Meredith's action, because, of course she will, but he thought he felt something, he thought he saw something flickered in her eyes as they stared at each other. But maybe it's nothing, maybe it's just his mind making these things up.

He sighed. He looked at her, but she wasn't looking at him anymore. She was now staring intently at Derek who was moving closer to them.

He closed his eyes to compose himself. This day has been hard for him, his walls are not as stable as it's supposed to be right now. Then he smiled, his default one as he stood up from the chair beside Meredith's bed.

"Well, that is my cue to leave." Without another word, he turned his back to them, but not without him looking at her for one last time. Then he left.

But he missed how Meredith's gaze followed him as he closed the door.

* * *

If anyone asked her if she thinks that Derek will visit her, her answered would have been a straight no. She hoped, but she never expected him to come. Because _he is Derek_. And after the stunt that she pulled during the ferry incident, she was sure that Derek wouldn't be able to look at her anymore.

But here he was staring at her. She can't help but stare back. But she can't help but feel something different. Before, when she stares at Derek, she doesn't see anything else, only him and his McDreaminess. But now, her eyes flickered towards Mark who was making a move towards the door. There was something between them. She felt it, and she was sure that he felt it, too. But why is he leaving? She felt a stabbing pain in her chest for a moment as she heard the door clicked back to its place.

Meredith was now alone with Derek. She should be happy that he was here now, but she feels uncomfortable.

Derek just stood there at the foot of her bed, still staring at her. She can't read what he was thinking right now, but she is sure that it's not good. He broke his gaze from her and went to sit by the chair that was recently abandoned by Mark, then he let out a long sigh.

"You know how to swim." He said. Meredith had been expecting that. She knows what he had been thinking all day, ever since he saw her in the bathtub. "Yeah, I know."

"What were you thinking?" It was just a whisper, but she can hear the anger rising above the surface as he asked the question. She doesn't say anything, because what can she say that can make him feel better? Yes, she knows how to swim, and she swam. But it wasn't worth it. She's just tired. So she let go.

She closed her eyes because she can't look at Derek and see the disappointment in his eyes. She has seen that look more than anyone has. She should have been used to it by now, but the idea of Derek looking at her like that to, she won't be able to take it.

"I was thinking, what's the point?" _It's always not enough, I'm always not good enough._ She wanted to add those words, but he can't let him in anymore. He's seen too much.

"What about me? Did you even think of me when you decided to stop fighting? What about Christina? Or Izzie and George? Or Alex? Did you think of them? They're your family. They care about you. Isn't that _enough_?"

"You don't know anything. You don't even understand. My mother is dead." And with that, Derek's eyes widen. He was about to ask how she knew but she managed to cut him. "I knew because I saw her. She was there in the afterlife or whatever that place was. She spoke to me and said that she was proud of me. Can you believe that? All my life, I had been waiting for those words, and now she finally said it. That's the thing I needed the most, her approval, and that drove me to fight again. I'm here now, Derek." Then she reached for his hand, which he reluctantly accepted.

" _That's good to hear_." As Meredith heard those words, Mark's smile flashed in her mind. She unconsciously smiled at the thought. But then she realized something. Mark understood her, even if she only said three words. Or even if he didn't understand her, her answer was enough for him. She frowned at the thought as she looked at her and Derek's interlocked hands. Will Derek ever understand her? Will he be able to accept her for who she is someday? Or can he?

* * *

Derek knew. He knew from the start that she chose that path. But to hear her say it, it's unbearable. He doesn't know what to do. He then saw her reach for his hand. _I'm here now, Derek_. She's here. That's what's important right now. She's here. So he reached for her hand and interlocked their fingers.

"That's good to hear."

He smiled, but he knows it didn't reached his eyes. He's trying. Really, he is. But the urge to run is much stronger than before.

* * *

 _He was supposed to be waiting for her family to finish. He was supposed to waiting outside the ER for his turn, but here he was, at the rooftop of the hospital, playing golf._

 _He knows he's running. But he just can't face her. He's not ready to know the truth._

 _The idea of losing her is just unbearable. Why did she do it? He shook his head. No. He is not supposed to think about that. He doesn't even know what happened._

 _He closed his eyes and let the wind sweep through his hair. He thought about their first meeting. He thought about every happy memory they made. And he thought about those sparkly eyes. The one that capture his heart._

 _Then he opened his eyes with a new resolve. He is going to learn about the truth._

* * *

He wished he didn't know. He dropped his smile and looked at Meredith intently.

"You have to let me in." "I did." Meredith looked at him with a bit of annoyance in her eyes. He shook his head.

"No. You have to talk to me about these things. That's how this works, Meredith. You can't always run away and go back like nothing ever happened. Don't hide from me." He pleaded.

"You wouldn't be able to handle the whole me, Derek." "Try me." He insisted. He was willing to try. He wants to make this work and he knows that she wants that to.

They stared at each other, no one breaking their gaze, trying to talk using their eyes.

Meredith closed her eyes and let out a long sigh. "Fine." She finally relented, because she can't really say no to him. Not matter how high she built her walls, he was able to break each of those, even if he still doesn't think that she has let him in.

She doesn't want to be alone again. He is the first person who was able to break her walls, he's her chance. So she puts her trust in him and she told him everything.

 _The fighting, shouting, and breaking of glass._

 _How her mother tried to kill herself in front of her child self._

 _The beer bottles scattered in the house._

 _And the beating._

Derek listened intently in every word. He stayed quiet the whole time. The only reaction he got from him was the moments in between where he squeezes her hand a little bit harder.

After her story, Derek kissed her hand and stood up.

"I just need time to take this all in."

And with that, he's gone.

* * *

Addie was standing at the door the whole time, even after Mark's exit. Mark was at her side, leaning against the wall next to the door, staring into space, not really that interested to what's happening in the ER.

She can't really hear the conversation, but she can read Derek's expressions very clearly. And she knows that what Derek wanted to do at that moment is to run. And he did.

When Derek was no longer in sight, she tapped Mark and pointed at the door. Mark reluctantly looked through the window of the door. What he saw broke his heart. Meredith was crying.

Without even thinking, he went inside.

"Hey." He went to her side and grabbed her hand. "What did Derek do now?" The moment Meredith looked at him, it was like the dam just broke. She let out heart-wrenching sobs as she held on to Mark. He just stayed there, not really caring that his scrubs are getting wet from her tears. He felt her cling a little harder as she spoke.

"He left me. After I opened up to him, after I bared my soul, he left me. I knew he won't be able to handle it. I'm too broken, I don't deserve him." She choked on those last words. " _I don't want to be alone, Mark._ " She whispered. Mark's heart broke at her words.

He loosened her grip from him, providing enough distance so that he could look through her eyes. But Meredith got the wrong message. She seems to think that he is also going to run away. This made his determination stronger than before. He held both of her hands and squeezed it.

"I am not going anywhere." He said as he stared intently at her. "And no one is too broken. If he can't handle the real you then he doesn't deserve you. You've been through a lot of pain in your life. But every pain was a step closer to who you are today. _You_ , Meredith Grey, are the _strongest person_ I know."

Meredith stared at Mark, as he said those words. Her eyes are brimming with unshed tears. No one's ever seen her like that, except him. Not even Derek.

She's not really that good with words. So instead of saying anything, she leaned in towards him, until their noses touch, and slightly grazed their lips. She then slowly leaned away, looking at Mark as he slowly opened his eyes, awe and wonder seen through his eyes.

Then she smiled, _his favorite one_.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: Sorry for the late update. Been busy with schoolwork.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **SIX**

It's been a week ever since the _incident_. It's also been a week when Derek left Meredith alone. And then the kiss with Mark.

She's been avoiding Mark since then. Similar to how Derek is treating her at the moment.

As usual, Derek had been drowning himself in his work, with nonstop surgeries and paperwork. He feels ashamed. He shouldn't have acted the way he did. _I shouldn't have ran_. He thought, but it was too late. He already did, and now, he couldn't face her.

Derek slumped into the chair in his office. He closed his eyes, wishing he could rest from all the thoughts running in his head. Then he heard the door open. He was greeted by the sight of Mark.

They haven't talked ever since the "incident." They're both avoiding each other so they didn't really have a problem. But looking at Mark right now, the expression in his face tells Derek that Mark is determined to talk today.

"This has got to stop Derek." Derek just scoffed, but he didn't expect what he heard next. "You will have to talk to her eventually."

Derek just stared at his "former" bestfriend. He knows what Mark feels for Meredith, he also expected that Mark already have made his move during this week. But no, Mark didn't make a move, or even talk to her, in fact, he is pushing Derek to make amends with Meredith.

This shocked him, because the Mark Sloan that he knew would have gotten what he wanted. Because that's Mark, a selfish jerk. But looking at the man in front of him right now, he saw the opposite.

Derek nodded. Mark seems to be satisfied with his answer and made a move to leave, but before Mark had a chance to exit, Derek spoke. "You've changed."

"Good or bad?" Looking at Mark's face, Derek knows he's waiting for an answer. But all that Derek gave him was a smile.

* * *

Derek was on his way to his office after a surgery when he saw _her_. She was there leaning at the nurse station. He wasted no time and dragged her in the nearest on call room.

"Derek, what the hell?!" And there she was. He missed her fiery attitude. He missed her.

"I wanted to talk to you." He flashed his McDreamy smile, but Meredith's not having it.

"And 'Meredith, can I talk to you?' isn't good for you?" That made him laugh, then he remembered what he is planning to do so he sobered up immediately.

" _Meredith…_ " All the fight in Meredith flew right out the window when she heard her name. She missed him and the way he says her name. She misses everything. She closed her eyes, trying to prevent the tears already forming to fall.

"You left me, Derek. After I bared my soul, _you left me_." Her voice broke as she said the last sentence. Meredith felt so small and weak at that moment, and she didn't like it. she hates herself for opening up herself to him, because now, he can see her, the real her. She tightened her arms around her, trying to protect herself for any more damage.

Derek stood there for a moment, looking at Meredith as she wrapped her arms around herself. He can feel the guilt seeping through him. _He did this_. Then he took a step closer and wrapped his arms around her, loosely at first. When he felt her lean towards him a little, that's the only signal he needed to hug her tighter.

After a moment, he spoke.

"Remember the day we fought because you told Mark about the chief retiring?" When he felt Meredith nod, he continued. "I said that I'm always going to show up."

He felt Meredith move away from him, only far enough she can look at his eyes. "I know." Then she gave him a smile. He smiled back, then leaned forward and kissed her.

"So we're okay?" He asked. "Yes, Derek. We're okay."

But there this thing haunting Derek's mind since that moment. The smile that Meredith gave him wasn't the one that she was able to show to Mark. It bothers him. But he won't let it ruin his newly mended relationship with Meredith. So he just let it go, _for now_.

* * *

It's been a week since their last encounter. Since _their kiss_. And that kiss has been haunting Mark until now. He kept thinking what the kiss meant. But at the end of the day, the only possible reason why Meredith kissed him is for gratitude.

Although, the fact that she's been ignoring him for a week now kind of gives him a different message. But he doesn't want to let hope creep into his heart because he knows the he will just get hurt at the end.

There was always a connection between him and Meredith ever since their first encounter. They should be together, he thought. But maybe they're not really meant to be together. They were just meant to meet each other, but not to be together.

She's ignoring Derek to, but in a totally different reason. Because she got hurt by him. He wanted to beat the hell out of Derek for leaving her that night, but he really couldn't do anything. He's his bestfriend. And he knows Derek. He knows that fact that Derek wouldn't be able to handle Meredith's past. Even if Mark doesn't know anything about her past, a part of him knows that it's not a pretty picture.

He knew what to do. It doesn't matter who ends up with her, _as long as she's happy_.

* * *

Mark just came out from a very long surgery. He's so tired that all he wanted to do was lie down. So he went to the nearest on call room. He was just reaching for the doorknob when it suddenly opened showing Meredith. He was surprised to see her, face to face, after a week of not being able to look at her properly.

She was about to say something when Derek came behind her. Mark turned her attention to Derek. _Ah, so they made up_. Mark thought. He, then, willed himself to smile. "I see you've made up. About damn time." He then looked away from the two of them, ready to run. "I'll leave you two lovebirds to do your business." He was about to walk away when Derek called his name. When he turned around, Meredith was already walking away. That's an image that he's supposed to be used to see by now.

"I want to talk to you." Then Derek dragged him inside the on call room. Before Mark even made any remark about the situation, Derek knew him well and beat him to it. "I know what you're about to say so just stop." Then Derek looked at him in the eyes and said, "Thank you."

Mark looked away from Derek. He doesn't know what to say. Or he can't really say what he was feeling. Deep within his soul, he regrets what he did. But he knows it was the right thing to do.

He smiled at Derek and walked away.


End file.
